bipolar depression
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This past Sunday was Father’s Day. The involvement of a father in an adolescence’s life is important. A father has a significant impact on every stage of development–especially if he has a child with bipolar disorder.
As many of you know, my husband Fred and I have two teenage daughters. Katherine is eighteen and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder six years ago. Holly is fifteen and has ADHD. Over the years we have laughed, learned, and struggled together. Most importantly, we love each other.
Using a question/answer format, Fred will share his parenting insight based on personal experience.
Question: What has changed in terms of your interaction with Katherine since she was diagnosed? Answer: Katherine participated in after school sports such as softball, track, and swimming. She showed potential to be a good athlete. With the onset of bipolar disorder she seemed to lose interest in sports. I had to learn that Katherine wasn’t being lazy but that her depression and at times mania prevented her from focusing on practicing her skills. I used to enjoy playing ball, running with her, and going to her events. I felt like some of our commodore was lost.
Question: What effect did that have on your relationship? Answer: I had to learn to accept that my goals or my perception of what she could achieve in athletics and academically did not match what she was interested in or capable of doing. Bipolar disorder changes the equation with everything.
Question: What do you see as one of the biggest challenges of raising a child or adolescent with bipolar disorder? Answer: Trying to walk the fine line between understanding, discipline, and accountability. It’s also difficult to distinguish the differences between the behavior of a typical adolescent and one who has bipolar disorder.
Question: Do you ever go to Katherine’s therapy appointments with her? Answer: Yes, however it is difficult to adjust my work schedule. I think it’s helpful to receive input from a third party professional, especially when we discuss tough issues.
Question: What ways do you suggest to learn more about bipolar disorder and how it affects your family? Answer: Educating yourself about bipolar disorder is important. bp Magazine (www.bphope.com) is one of my favorite resources. It contains research as well as articles written by both professionals and everyday people who live with bipolar disorder. There are a number of websites to visit as well. It is also helpful to attend the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA, www.DBSAlliance.org) meetings to learn from others about how bipolar disorder affects family relationships.
I appreciated my husband’s honesty and openness as I asked him these tough questions. Our goal is to reach out to other families affected with bipolar disorder to provide them with hope and encouragement.
Tags: ADHD, adolescence and bipolar disorder, bipolar, bipolar and pregnant, bipolar depression, bipolar disorder, bp magazine, challenges of raising a child or adolescent with bipolar disorder, DBSA, depression, learn about how bipolar disorder affects family relationships, manic depression, manic depressive illness, mental health, therapy, www.bphope.com, www.dbsalliance.org, www.kristinfinn.com
Depression can rob a person from who they are. Parts of this entry summarize my past experiences and include input from others. My goal is to retain some of my privacy, so hopefully you won’t be able to decipher the differences between the two.
Losing a sense of “self” is particularly devastating. The comment, “I don’t even know who I am anymore”, has been said with conviction and sincerity. Not being able to make definitive decisions adds to our lack of self-esteem and self-worth. Everything seems like it’s a big deal, such as daily tasks that were once effortless.
Searching for relief can be as hard to find as the lost sock from a recent load of laundry. Sleep can be a best friend. Pockets of escape help take the pain away. Pushing the guilt away from sleeping too much can be challenging.
Talking about your depression with a friend can help you process it. Here’s another double edge sword. What if you work for a company and develop close friendships with your co-workers? What if you’re responsible for large accounts and the impact of your decision-making is crucial to the overall success of the company? You’re already feeling insecure and want to isolate yourself. Do you risk talking to your friend/co-worker/manager about your depression? Even though you can successfully do your job, will they think you’re incompetent? Fear of judgement can be overwhelming.
I’ve talked to several people who have been in this situation. Sharing with your friend/co-worker after the depression has lifted seems to be easier. Self-confidence has returned and you’re able to put depression into perspective. It is what it is…a treatable medical condition. Depression and bipolar disorder do not define who you are.
Taming the wild beast can feel like an impossible undertaking. Keeping a mood chart can help you realize that your sadness and heavy heart are not permanent. Identifying triggers is also proactive. Schedule a medication review with your psychiatrist. The insight from therapists is invaluable. Talking to your support group members from the DBSA or NAMI may help you understand that you are not alone. Identifying with others who truly relate to the depth of your hopelessness and anxiety can be comforting. Take advantage of the people in your life who can help you through this challenging time.
Tags: anxiety, bipolar, bipolar and pregnant, bipolar depression, bipolar disorder, bipolar disorder is a treatable medical illness, DBSA, depression, depression is a treatable medical illness, identifying triggers, lack of self-esteem, lack of self-worth, manic depression, manic depressive illness, medical profession, medication changes, mental health, mood chart, mood disorder, NAMI, www.kristinfinn.com
In January of 1990 I left my job as a pharmaceutical representative because my husband Fred and I wanted to start a family. That may seem like a strange reason to quit a job. Together, with the input from my doctors, we decided that I would systematically go off my medication from preconception through postpartum. This decision is not for everyone. Be sure to talk to your doctors prior to making any medication changes. The stress from pharmaceutical sales would have thrown me into mania or depression. I was fortunate to find jobs with flexible hours during both pregnancies.
Twenty years ago, very few people other than my family and close friends knew that I had bipolar disorder. I felt it was necessary to conceal my condition from my boss, co-workers, and hospital contacts (doctors, nurses, pharmacists, etc). I’m not sure if I thought it was irrelevant, or if I believed my career would be in jeopardy if I told them.
When I left my job, I told everyone that I was leaving for “personal reasons”. They were confused and tried to understand my seemingly sudden decision. I didn’t even consider telling anyone that I had bipolar disorder and was going off my medication to start a family. I would have liked to continue working while trying to get pregnant. I didn’t have that luxury because I went off my medication prior to conception. Looking back, I wished that I would have felt comfortable sharing our exciting news with others.
One of my goals is to increase awareness and decrease the stigma associated with bipolar disorder. I truly believe that this condition is a treatable medical illness like diabetes and high blood pressure. Openly sharing our situation is one way I could have educated people about mood disorders. I didn’t realize that I was perpetuating this stigma by keeping it to myself.
Hindsight allows me to visualize my former boss and co-workers positively responding to my honesty. The impact of this information would have been especially helpful to those that I “called on” in the medical profession. I would like to believe that they would have been supportive and caring. I was told several times that I was hardworking, competent, and organized. Think about how people with bipolar disorder are looked at on television and in the news. We’re rarely portrayed as being successful and competent. By disclosing, I might have helped change this perception. Education promotes understanding and understanding decreases stigma.
Tags: bipolar, bipolar and pregnant, bipolar depression, bipolar disorder, bipolar disorder and pregnancy, bipolar disorder and pregnancy--decreasing the stigma, bipolar disorder and television, bipolar disorder is a treatable medical illness, depression, hypomania, increase awareness and decrease stigma associate with bipolar disorder, mania, manic, manic depression, manic depressive illness, medical profession, medication changes, mental health, mood disorder, postpartum, preconception, stress
As promised in my December 6, 2009 blog entry I have an update about the Life Focus program that my family and I are a part of.
To watch the Life Focus, A Mind Misunderstood preview, go to the Media section of my website, www.kristinfinn.com. When I watch the preview I feel like it does not describe my personal experience with bipolar disorder. There are varying degrees of what people with bipolar disorder are able to do, both emotionally and physically.
As you watch the actual program, you’ll see some positive steps that can lead to a happy, hopeful, and fulfilling life.
Tags: A Mind Misunderstood, bipolar, bipolar and pregnant, bipolar depression, bipolar disorder, depression, hypomania, Kristin Finn, Life Focus, Life Focus Television, mania, manic depression, manic depressive illness, mental health, mood disorder, personal experience with bipolar disorder, Public Broadcasting Service (PBS), Total Living Network, Trinity Broadcasting Network
On January 28, I did a radio interview about bipolar disorder with Tony Gates, 1340 AM, www.wjrwam.com. We talk about how I was diagnosed and treated for bipolar disorder. I also share how I managed my symptoms while off medication during both pregnancies.
See my website, www.kristinfinn.com. Click on to the Media tab to listen.
Tags: bipolar, bipolar and pregnant, bipolar depression, bipolar disorder, bipolar disorder and pregnancy, depression, diagnosed and treated for bipolar disorder, hypomania, Kristin Finn, mania, manic depression, manic depressive illness, mental health, mood disorder, www.wjrwam.com
Many of you know that agitation and irritation are often symptoms of bipolar disorder. There is a profound difference between spending time with someone who is happy manic verses angry manic. Mania encompasses an array of behaviors and characteristics.
I recently did an interview with Tony Gates on his morning talk show, 1340 AM (www.wjrwam.com). I’m still beating myself up because when Tony asked me to describe bipolar symptoms, I forgot to mention agitation and irritation when we talked about mania. Once I left the station, I wished I had a second chance to clarify his question. I’m agitated just thinking about it.
Here I go again, trying to figure out a solution. I just decided to send Tony an e-mail to thank him for the interview and I’ll clarify it then. Writing about how I feel in this blog entry is helping to melt my frustration. Tony and I had a good conversation about bipolar disorder and I should be focusing on everything that went well during the interview. Readjusting my thinking is working–I feel better already.
Occasionally, my work makes me agitated. I go through periods when I am extremely driven. As a result, I increase my goals and activities necessary to reach them. I have to make a conscious effort to prioritize and methodically complete each task. My stress turns into satisfaction the closer I get to achieving my goals.
Recognizing triggers is an effective way to reduce agitation and other bipolar symptoms. That’s a topic of its own…
Tags: agitation, angry manic, bipolar, bipolar and pregnant, bipolar depression, bipolar disorder, bipolar disorder and agitation, bipolar disorder and pregnancy, depression, driven, goals, happy manic, hypomania, irritation, Kristin Finn, mania, manic depression, manic depressive illness, mental health, mood disorder, moods, readjusting my thinking, stress, triggers
Sometimes I get overwhelmed just thinking about my responsibilities. Fred, Katherine, and Holly are my number one priorities. Being a wife and mother feels like a full-time job. I’m sure many of you can relate.
My career as an investment advisor is also challenging. Writing daily and weekly goals gives me direction and structure. After prioritizing them, I try to tackle the tasks that are toughest. It feels so good to check items off my list! This technique works especially well when I feel like I don’t know where to begin. Getting started is half the battle. Completing 5 out of the 8 items is more than I’d do if I had not planned my day. I consider that a success.
When I’m depressed, I have to adjust my goals. I’m thankful my office is in our home. I make coffee every night for Katherine and me so it’s ready to brew each morning. Drinking coffee helps motivate me to work. It’s a treat. On mornings when “dread” imprisons me, I have to tell myself to work in my office for “only” 1 to 2 hours. I feel paralyzed when I dwell on all of the things that I need to do. Once I start working, time flies, and I start feeling better. Activity increases my self-esteem.
Readjusting goals while hypomanic takes insight and descipline. More about that later…
Tags: bipolar, bipolar and pregnant, bipolar depression, bipolar disorder, daily goals, decrease bipolar symptoms, depressed, depression, goal setting, goals, Kristin Finn, manic depression, manic depressive illness, mental health, mood disorder, self-esteem, setting goals
Happy New Year!
I believe that support groups compliment medication and talk therapy. My friend Catie and I lead the local Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) support group. We had a thought provoking meeting this week. It reminded me of how thankful I am to “visit” with people who understand the challenges of having a mood disorder. The perspective of supporters is also significant.
When I was pregnant for Katherine and Holly, I didn’t know support groups existed. Because I went off my medication from preconception through postpartum it was difficult to monitor my mania and depression. Sometimes I felt like the only person that really understood me was my psychiatrist. My emotions and moods seemed like they were all jumbled up like in a blender.
I suggest a support group for anyone affected by a mood disorder. Attending meetings during my pregnancies would have helped me know that others could relate to me. So often it was as if I was on an island alone trapped with my racing thoughts and anxiety. I felt disconnected from people. Other times I felt balanced. Exchanging ideas and experiences with others who “have been there” is so helpful!
I challenge everyone affected by depression or bipolar disorder to participate in a support group. The DBSA website (www.dbsalliance.org) can help you find a local chapter. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is another organization that provides support, education, and advocacy. Their website (www.nami.org) is also a good place to find local support.
Tags: advocacy, anxiety, bipolar, bipolar and depression support groups, bipolar and pregnant, bipolar depression, bipolar disorder, bipolar disorder and pregnancy, bipolar disorder support groups, bipolar support groups, DBSA, depression, Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, hypomania, Kristin Finn, mania, mental health, mood disorder, moods, NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, postpartum, preconception, racing thoughts, support groups, talk therapy, www.dbsalliance.org, www.nami.org
