Depression can rob a person from who they are. Parts of this entry summarize my past experiences and include input from others. My goal is to retain some of my privacy, so hopefully you won’t be able to decipher the differences between the two.
Losing a sense of “self” is particularly devastating. The comment, “I don’t even know who I am anymore”, has been said with conviction and sincerity. Not being able to make definitive decisions adds to our lack of self-esteem and self-worth. Everything seems like it’s a big deal, such as daily tasks that were once effortless.
Searching for relief can be as hard to find as the lost sock from a recent load of laundry. Sleep can be a best friend. Pockets of escape help take the pain away. Pushing the guilt away from sleeping too much can be challenging.
Talking about your depression with a friend can help you process it. Here’s another double edge sword. What if you work for a company and develop close friendships with your co-workers? What if you’re responsible for large accounts and the impact of your decision-making is crucial to the overall success of the company? You’re already feeling insecure and want to isolate yourself. Do you risk talking to your friend/co-worker/manager about your depression? Even though you can successfully do your job, will they think you’re incompetent? Fear of judgement can be overwhelming.
I’ve talked to several people who have been in this situation. Sharing with your friend/co-worker after the depression has lifted seems to be easier. Self-confidence has returned and you’re able to put depression into perspective. It is what it is…a treatable medical condition. Depression and bipolar disorder do not define who you are.
Taming the wild beast can feel like an impossible undertaking. Keeping a mood chart can help you realize that your sadness and heavy heart are not permanent. Identifying triggers is also proactive. Schedule a medication review with your psychiatrist. The insight from therapists is invaluable. Talking to your support group members from the DBSA or NAMI may help you understand that you are not alone. Identifying with others who truly relate to the depth of your hopelessness and anxiety can be comforting. Take advantage of the people in your life who can help you through this challenging time.
